Books as a Cure for Sadness

I’ve been struggling lately ... and perhaps it’s inevitable.  I’m working from home, working like mad on building a business while living in a country not my own and for the first time in my life, I’ve looked up and realised there isn’t this huge network of close friends to have coffee or wine with, go see movies or just run away with for a day with our cameras.  There’s no beach and worst of all, there’s no dog soulmate in my life. 

I’ve been putting off the dog forever here.  Most friends bring up my wandering life as the reason why not to but I’ve always had dogs, since I was 9. 
Seven years is a long time to be dogless ... and yet, there’s that guilt about what if I do continue to wander.  We’ll see.  If a labrador crossed with some kind of sheepdog comes up, then that’s the universe telling me, Di, just get your damn dog.

Anyway, I presume all this sadness is some kind of reaction to a very long winter combined with the fact that I am building the foundations for two huge projects, and it’s all coming out of me, being pulled from my wee kiwi soul.

14-16 hour days oftentimes, 7 days a week are simply devastating me and I’m not refilling my self.
I see the problem, I’m just not sure how to fix it.
Just gutz it out, is the delightful kiwi advice I hear in my head.

So today, after 1am and 5am lying-awake-thinking sessions, I crawled back into bed and slept a little more after the family had left.  I think the cold is moving in too.  I have the fever blister on my lip, the sore mouth, an aching body, an odd feeling in my throat and this empty feeling at the heart of me. 

Already tired of my self, I had headed into the city on Wednesday, my camera and I, just chasing the light but today, I did my other favourite thing ... and visited THE secondhand bookshop here in Antwerpen city.

Gert is my financial sponsor in these days of working furiously on new projects and I think he was too delighted by my delight with the treasures found to be cross with me about spending this month ...
Four Seasons in Rome, by Anthony Doerr is sumptuous ... absolutely crawl-into-bed-and-wrap-up-in-the-duvet sumptuous.

The other is Isabel Allende at her naughtiest and it made me giggle there in the shop where I almost die of shame when my Yoda ringtone does its thing mid-visit ... an incoming phone call you have, answer it quickly you should!  I don’t usually giggle in a bookshop, it’s entirely not appropriate in that place of worship however ... who could resist?
The fiftieth year of our life is like
the last hour of dusk,
when the sun has set and one turns
naturally toward reflection.
In my case, however, dusk incites me to sin,
and perhaps for that reason,
in my fiftieth year I find myself reflecting
on my relationship
with food and eroticism; the weaknesses
of the flesh that most tempt
me are not, alas,
those I have practiced most.
Isabel Allende.

It is a beautiful book with images that delight and words that ... well, they made me giggle and that’s not something I do often in bookshops.

In the section titled Whispers, Isabel begins with this outrageous sentence: That men are still closer to monkey than woman, I haven’t a doubt.  Men’s sexual impulse is triggered by the eyes, an inheritance from those simian ancestors whom the female summons when she is in heat by means of a noticeable change in her intimate parts, which turn red and take on the morbid appearance of a ripe pomegranate.  For some reason, this works like waving a red flag at the males, should they not be paying attention.

Giggling over ... I read on, only to almost fall on the floor laughing as she continues, with more wickedness that I can imagine her cute little 5ft nothing self saying, in her Chilean-accented voice, full of laughter and daring.

The book is Aphrodite and I’m recommending it, after just flipping through it in the bookshop and buying it however Rome has to come first. I’m madly deeply homesick for Italy at the moment.  We fly there in May but it still seems such a long way away ...
Below is Sandie, my soulmate pup for 16 years ...

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RD writes on Sat Mar 13, 2010

Your post sent me off to my bookshelves to see if Aphrodite is in there or still in a box in the basement—in a box it is. Allende is one of my all time favorite authors and I have many of her books and cannot tell you which is my favorite. That woman works magic with her words! And she can make me blush too. Wish we could trade books, Di. Oh, and what a beauty Sandie was!

• Author:RD
• Posted:Mar 13, 2010

gary rith writes on Sat Mar 13, 2010

You said it:  the work at home artist has GOT to have doggy companionship…

• Author:gary rith
• Posted:Mar 13, 2010

Di Mackey writes on Sat Mar 13, 2010

I wish we could trade books too, RD.  I love my books and yes, I love Isabel’s.  She’s a delight.  Sandie was stunning, quite possibly the cleverest dog in the Universe.

Gary, I shall take that as an order but you’re right, I know it but only another doggy person, working from home as an artist knows for absolutely certain-sure.

• Author:Di Mackey
• Posted:Mar 13, 2010

ML writes on Sat Mar 13, 2010

Oh,, I remember Sandi dog well… I liked her and I do not always like dogs but she was a treasure… I know how you must miss her!

• Author:ML
• Posted:Mar 13, 2010