Maya Stein, Poet

imagine, despite your unbearable faults and fissures,
you are still a thing of beauty, a rare creature, a snowflake,
a singular, spectacular atom circumnavigating the tangled astronomy
of your life the only way you know how.
An extract from how to start over, by Maya Stein

Since when have you been writing your extraordinarily beautiful poems?
The words “extraordinarily beautiful” are making me blush. It’s amazing to have my work be thought of that way. I’ve been keeping a blog since 1994, and one day early on I just started writing poems instead of journal entries. But I’ve been writing poetry for a long time – I remember my first poem, when I was 10. It was about the seasons changing. In some ways, I think the theme of change or transformation, and dealing with that, has remained consistent in my work.

And looking back, do you see an evolution or development in style?
I like free verse but I also sometimes enjoy trying to adhere to structure. But I’ve learned to try not to think too much. I think the best poems come when they are almost writing themselves, when I’ve relaxed my brain enough to free-associate, to allow words to come in that I might normally not think of. But this is so hard to do. I have to make a very pointed decision to stop thinking, which is counter-intuitive as a writer.

How do you let go of your poems, decide that they’re done and press publish?
The blog makes it easy. I can always go back and edit if I want, even though I usually leave them alone. I do get a feeling, down in my belly, that tells me the poem is finished. Maybe not in the literary sense, but in the I’ve-gotten-to-the-bottom-of-this sense. I have a terrible time editing my poems, though. I want to let them go when I let them go. They are not like these little babies I want to keep close. 

You appear to be writing about real life.  Obviously every reader believes an element of the author appears in their writing but with you, your poems resonate so deeply that of course I want to believe that they are from your life but how often to do you simply use the words as a way of exploring and/or defining an experience that isn’t the true life story we imagine we find in your poems?
I do write about my life, but I try to write it in such a way that it’s not just about me. I think there are universal experiences we have, relatable experiences. Falling in love. Disappointment. Fear. Doubt. Hope. I guess I use my life as a jumpstart, but then I do kind of get a little fuzzy and try not to be so precise about the details. I think “truth” is variable – what is true about something for someone can be not true for another person who was there at the same time. I think there are versions of truth. So I try to stick to my own version of truth – I’m not trying to write someone else’s experience, but I think by being truthful about my own, the writing becomes more relevant to others. I guess I believe in being transparent. Even writing about shame or fear, but doing it with transparency, can really speak to other people about facing their own feelings. I don’t try to provide “life lessons” – I am not equipped to do that, nor do I think that’s my job as a writer. I think my job is to create an environment in my writing that’s honest. It’s not about being pretty.

Are you influenced by anyone ... be they poet or writer or someone else?
Well, I love Mary Oliver. I love the grace of her writing. I don’t read a lot of poets, though. I like found poetry. Like something etched on the sidewalk. There are some beautiful poems along the Embarcadero on San Francisco. But those were put there on purpose – I mean the city commissioned them or something. You’re standing there, waiting for the above-ground train to come, and you look down and see these gorgeous poems.

I think I’m influenced a lot by prose, actually. The poems I write are probably more like prose than poetry. One of my favorite writers is Lorrie Moore. I think she’s amazing.

When are you at your writing best ... in sadness, in exhilaration, or with a muse present or imagined to be present?
I probably write more when I’m happy. Love is definitely a great muse. New love particularly. It’s amazing what one sees when one is happy. I notice that when things aren’t going well, I just don’t want to write about it. I want to make it better. I know writing is cathartic for many people, but I don’t think I use it that way. For me, writing is a way of staying with an experience, an idea, an inspiration, a feeling. It’s not a way to get rid of it.

The name on your website - mayapapaya.com – where did it come from?
It’s just a mnemonic device. People often mispronounce my name when they see it, even though I can’t figure out why. Maya isn’t as uncommon as it used to be. Anyway, if I had to correct people, I’d say, “Like papaya” so they would remember. I think it’s helped a lot, particularly because that’s what a lot of people call me now. Maya Papaya. What’s kind of funny is that I don’t actually like papayas.

Blogging, how did that come about?  How much inspiration and encouragement do you get from the blog world and do you find inspiration on the web?
I originally started the blog because I wanted a place to put writing that I wasn’t working on trying to publish. More informal writing. But it’s interesting, because it’s evolved quite a bit since then in my mind. It’s still a place to put new work, but I’ve also published those poems elsewhere, or other bloggers will put my poems up on their site. So it’s become a way to be more public about my writing. When I started, I didn’t tell anyone what I was doing. Now, I always make sure that I mention it. I think that has a lot to do with developing greater confidence as a writer. I want people to know about it. I want to get people reading it.

I have a friend who’s kept a blog for about 5 years and has a tremendous following. I mean, thousands of people are reading her. Obviously, there are the biggies out there that a lot of people read. I’m less concerned about numbers and more interested in impact. Of course, if I can do both, I’ll take it. I’d love to have more readers. But it makes me unbelievably happy when I get a comment from a reader on a poem that really spoke to them. There’s something so gratifying about reaching even one person.

I don’t actually read a lot of blogs regularly, but I find myself trolling and lurking a lot. I think less is more – the less I get caught in the wormhole of the web, the more I can focus on my own work. Obviously, reading other people is also inspiring. But there is just so much out there – information overload – that I have trouble focusing.

That said, I’m so grateful for the readers who have kept returning to my blog. I think blogging is really changing the way people relate and communicate with each other.

Favourite authors is always a question for writers, who are yours? 
I go in these waves of obsessions. John Updike was a big one for a long time. David Sedaris, ditto. But I also love books singly. Middlesex, The Corrections, Self-Help, On Beauty, Running with Scissors I just read a great book called Last Night at the Lobster.  I wish I was more of a reader, though. I’m always thinking I haven’t read enough. I was an English major in college, and I feel guilty for not having put away enough literature.