I loved this quote found over on Justine Musk's website.
The photograph of the beach,taken when I was home, is an old and beloved beach of mine, located on the east coast of the South Island, down at Tautuku.
Sometimes, when the highway is roaring here in Belgium, I pretend it's simply a Spring tide down at Tautuku, back home in New Zealand
I cleared about 10cms of snow and ice from the sidewalk this morning ...
Winter continues but perhaps I am beginning to wake, to shake off this winter lethargy, inspired by the kindness of old friends and new. I've been living a hermit's life lately, curling up in the cave of this Antwerpen winter.
Midday found Diana and I chatting on skype, bringing each other up to speed and talking of winter and workshops. I find her writing inspirational and this blog post helped shine a little light in on the greyness here.
And the other day ... the day after the day of drama and sadness, Miss 8 convinced me about buying the beautiful Nepalese shawl you see pictured below. It's a little like wearing my own private version of the sun.
We discovered Nepal Handicrafts on Hoogstraat which is part of our 'pretty way home'. Miss 8 and I share a passion for finding the most beautiful ways to reach home ... the prettiest way to go anyplace really. The journey is our destination and we must, if possible, enjoy it.
We have an animal spelling game for the days that are bleak and the trams full. She starts with 'elephant', for example, and then I have to find an animal whose name begins with the last letter of her animal. More research is required as we're running out of animals known to us. It helps that we both have Dutch spelling too but the tram journey is oftentimes longer than our memory or knowledge.
I feel more posts are long overdue. Life goes on and the sadness that has filled me simply must go. It's time.
‘every journey outside my known world is a form of often painful, sometimes euphoric spiritual growth. I have to break out of the exoskeleton of safety I’m constantly accreting in order to be born into a new world — soft, vulnerable, afraid, eager, porous. I hate it, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.’
I loved these words. I thought to myself, I know that feeling. That's how it is for me too.
For awhile, back at my childhood home, there was a gap between the hedge and the wire fence and there I was, that creature you see scaling the wooden gate, slipping out into the incredible world of the school next door.
And I think I remember the mix of fear and curiousity ... the need to wander that made me escape anyway. A need that still overrides my desire to stay safely inside my known worlds.
I imagine all kinds of things before I leave. The night before, there I am, wondering why I do it ... Cairo, Istanbul, Italy, and America. But wander I must.
I love leaving.
On the other side of the ohmygodwhat haveIdone pre-departure thinking, is that sigh of happiness as I settle into the airport bus and it leaves. There is the delight in arriving at Brignole in Genova, of opening the shutters, buying the flowers, and settling into a different life, so full of noise and colour.
And on the other side of leaving there have always been marvellous experiences ... like the market that ran all night just below my balcony in Cairo, or the gypsy festival in Istanbul where I wandered with friends, wandering Flanders Fields with prime ministers and actors.
On the other side of fear is Life in a form that I love.
And I go, knowing that it is entirely likely that I will have times when I sink into the dark pit of despair and anxiety for a few hours, where going outside is impossible, where I am left wondering what the hell it is that pushes me to leave and step off into other worlds. But I always recover.
Sometimes with a belly-laughter-inducing-Mr-Bean-style story of what happened while I was in that place of fear.
I'm the biggest baby in the world sometimes. I find myself in situations that are retrospectively hilarious but challenging while in the midst of them. The ambulance in Genova was sobering but it's a story that can't be told with me giggling throughout. The heat-seeking missile attack over Singapore is another that comes immediately to mind when reminiscing this stuff. And the taxi-kidnapping in Cairo was also gut-wrenchingly amusing, and should I ever decide to share it here on the blog ...you might agree.
You see, I was a writer before I took photographs ... or perhaps I thought I was a writer before I decided to become a photographer but then again, I had always been a photographer. Maybe that means that I am a story-teller because surely both paths lead to the same place in the end. I live with an Imagination that is as big as the Sun ... at least.
Mostly I have learned to live with that Imagination, to laugh over the stories that (don't really) happen along the way, and to leave anyway ...
The book released here in Norway in December is An Elastic State of Mind, which is an imaginative autobiography in formal and free verse. Three years of intense work with form, two years of historical research, and another two years with the translator: this baby was a long time in coming. The review that came out last week was positive, with the caveat that it was demanding of the reader.
The book I am editing now, which will be finished in March, is Ewe in the Rain. It's more of a seduction than a demand.
Ren Powell, an extract from her post over on Mad Orphan Lit.
Fascinating reading! Take a peek.
The photograph ... Boccadasse, Italy.
And now we welcome the new year, full of things that have never been.
Rainer Maria Wilke
It's like that ... this year. It's full of the promise of things that have never been. Exciting things. And if I can just work through this winter thing, this frustration with ice and snow, the isolation of working alone and without colleagues or friends After 5 fabulous weeks back amongst my people, then all would be grand.
It's been a rough week, one where I picked up more responsibility than I like, cleaned the house more often than usual, and struggled to juggle all of the balls/projects I seem to have up in the air.
And I've been on a mission, trying to work out what is possible, which projects are feasible when it come to time and what might lead to employment ... the usual angst but with a clearer head.
I'm developing an exquisite project with a much-adored and respected friend ... to be unveiled as soon as it's ready to fly. And I'm interviewing the people in my neighbourhood here. The Flemish people I enjoy doing business with ... enjoy knowing, and I'm loving their stories. I need to pick up and start running Camera Journeys again ... but need to wait for the new direction to be confirmed, with dates and a place to book. There's a newsletter to get out soon ... there's stuff to be done and no more time can be spent on my knees, feeling sorry for myself.
It's been like that ... I needed to give myself a bit of a talking to. And it helped that I was reading Diana Baur's superb book titled 'Your Truth'. It's been the perfect companion through these challenging days. At only $5.99us, it's the best kind of read.
And the quote at the beginning ... I found that over on Cynthia Haynes website ... via the truly lovely Leonie Wise.
So, there's a vegetarian lasagne to bake now, and some bread too. I was going to make a pavlova for dessert but I think that might be raising the bar higher than I want to commit to longterm. I don't love housework. I'm more like Erica Jong in her poem Woman Enough.
I'll leave you with a favourite subject ... an image that I think best sums up the promise of things to come. Tot straks.
Life really begins when you have discovered that you can do anything you want.
Amelia Earhart.
I needed to share this with you: 'In 1949, career counselor William J. Reilly penned How To Avoid Work — a short guide to finding your purpose and doing what you love. Despite the occasional vintage self-helpism of the tone, the book is remarkable for many reasons — written at the dawn of the American corporate era and the golden age of the housewife, it not only encouraged people of all ages to pursue their passions over conventional, safe occupations, but it also spoke to both men and women with equal regard.
The rest of this interesting post can be found over on Brainpickings.org - a site full of interesting stuff. It's worth checking out. Inspirational even.
Oddly enough, this popped up just as I was writing this post and so I'm adding it. Casey Neistat and his idea that 'When nothing's for sure, anything can happen.'
I know.