I suspect this is the face I most regularly wear in these days. I believe it might be a problem-solving kind of expression I'm wearing there.
I made pumpkin soup for lunch today but realised I was missing my small vegetable knife. I have a brand I particularly like. I missed my cupboard full of known ingredients. My kitchen too. And later I missed my bread and my place at that old oak table I used to adore.
There are hours like this out here in my new life. Not days or weeks ... just hours. I really am okay with missing things, mostly. I began moving house when I was 20, and haven't stopped anywhere longer than that big old Belgian house just left, after something like 6 years. The previous record ... maybe the airforce house back in New Zealand. 4 years, non-stop, in the same place.
But it's not a desire of mine, to constantly move. It's just my life.
My sister has lived differently and I love visiting her when I go back to New Zealand. She has lived in her home for years now. I'm not sure how many but if I 'go home' to anyplace, then it's her place. I love the familiarity I find there - I love her pantry, the smell of the house, but mostly, I love the people that live there. It's as close as I get to my childhood spaces ... 50 Green Street, the home I grew up in, or Nana's place, at 101 Islington Street.
But mostly, over all these years and moves, I've learned to make the unfamiliar familiar, as quickly as possible. The walk to the supermarket is a daily one now. Starbucks has become 'the place' where I buy my espresso. The walk there and back has become that time for deep thinking while I exercise. And I can feel myself getting stronger each day.
The first day I walked there I thought I was dying. The second day, I went out again, just to test it, and wondered if it wasn't some kind of anxiety attack. On the third day I began to feel better. Mmmhmmm, I might have been completely unfit. It's much easier now. Increasing the distance seems like a good idea. Let's see it.
But mostly I'm spending these days preparing myself for whatever is next. And the photograph ... taken by my lovely Australian client, Gabrielle, at Genova's Douce cafe, on one of those lovely photography workshop days last summer.
They were beautiful days. I'm glad that I had them.
